2008's final Boy of the Week is David, from Brooklyn - but don't worry, we'll have plenty more boys in 2009. Photographed exclusively for EVB by Richard Welch

I know I know, you have all been wondering with bated breath about where I've been for the last few months. Well, to Ben from London, no, I wasn't lost in a never-ending K-hole. Actually, I've been on a retreat, moving slowly backwards across the embers of my youth. OK, maybe there was some K in there somewhere.

Anyhow, it's the holidays, and as you know I love holidays. We've already had snowflakes the size of cheap Kmart doilies fluttering down outside the EVB office. A sure sign that a white Christmas (replace with whatever excuse you need to poison yourself) beckons. As you all know following a white and liquid holiday comes the obligatory period of reflection, vomiting and paranoia, so to soothe your loins and sedate your cortex I have crafted the EVB Hung-over holiday mix. I hope it helps.

Wishing all you boys a wonderful party season and a relatively healthy 2009. Retreat... never!

'EVB Hung-over mix' - Dick William

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The Cows at Jodrell Bank - World of Apples / The Time Has Come Again - The Last Shadow Puppets / Brokeback Mountain Score 3 - Gustavo Santaolalla / Just a Little Lovin' - Dusty Springfield / Goon Gumpas - Aphex Twin / 1981 - The Tough Alliance / Indo (Extended Version) - A Studio / Like a Prayer - Lavender Diamond / Feel Flows - The Beach Boys / Dust - Gang Gang Dance / You Can't Hide Love - Creative Source / Suð Í Eyrum - Sigur Rós / Nobody Does It Better - Carly Simon / Bruises - Chairlift / 24k - The Whitest Boy Alive / Fairytale of New York - Kirsty MacColl Featuring The Pogues / Last Christmas (Pudding Mix) - Wham
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When I was younger, I, like so many other boys were repeatedly asked what I would like to be when I was grown up. After about five years of being asked this question, I had fine-tuned my list to fireman, astronaut, high school wrestler, Parisian seamstress or truck driver. I always ended with truck driver as it would bring relief to the concerned stares that my parents and their friends would exchange while thinking of me toiling away in some Parisian studio, humming Broadway show tunes.

Why they were never concerned about me writhing around on a mat in a latex singlet with another boy always made me chuckle... but I digress...

Driving a truck, a tractor, a rig, (all terms I have now learned), is no easy job, and how do I know? Well, I packed my rucksack, got out of the city, and like the 'Littlest Lost Hobo/Homo', I headed down the road to find myself a gay trucker - and a gay trucker I did find, heading south on route I-95. Kenny Browne. Kenny the gay trucker. Here is his story.

Richard Welch: Tell us a little about life on the road.

Kenny Browne: For the most part you just get in a routine. Kinda like being in jail sometimes. Going to new places doesn't impress the hell out of me anymore. I've been to every state in the country a shitload of times. The places you want to check out on the way, you usually can't get a big truck into. So, if you can't bobtail (disconnecting from the trailer and just running the tractor) you pretty much ain't gonna see them.

The food at truckstops can be pretty hit-and-miss. I usually just cook in my truck. That way I don't have to worry about getting some gross disease from some pig that doesn't wash his hands after a crap, and then starts handling food at the buffet.

I wake up around 10 AM, and usually drive around 500-600 miles if my company can line up the freight. I shut down wherever I'm at, between midnight and 2 AM, then fuck around online, and head to bed.

I often end up sleeping on a highway on-ramp. The cops occasionally hassle you and tell you to move. Then you find a parking lot, and hope you can get a few hours sleep before someone is pounding on the sleeper telling you to move.

Parking, especially on the east coast, is a real pain the ass. The truckstops fill up quick, then you're on your own as to where your gonna park.

RW: What are your three favorite driving songs?

KB: Oh shit, I don't know. I guess I'd go with the standard 'I've been everywhere' by Johhny Cash , 'Blue Sky' by Allman Brothers Band, and anything by James McMurtry and the Heartless Bastards.

James McMurtry and the Heartless Bastards, 'We Can't Make It Here'

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RW: How do you get over boredom or loneliness?

KB: I listen to lots of books on CD, I have satellite radio, listen to talk radio - it's like having someone in the truck. The shows become like TV shows that you like to watch. I like Mike Malloy, Lynn Samuels, Dave Marsh. Plus, I have a boy-crazy 13-year-old niece that can jabber on the phone from Florida to the GWB.

RW: What is it like being a gay trucker? Are there a lot of you?

KB: Not enough! There's other gay drivers out here. Not counting my old boyfriend Jeremiah, I've been laid two times in almost ten years with other gay drivers. I only see a driver I'd do about once in every sixth trip across the country. Then he gets my coveted "damn it boy!"

Most drivers, though, are rednecks. Rednecks really don't do nothing for me. To hear them on the CB, they seem to think that every gay guy in the world is interested in getting in their pants. Not my mamma's little boy.

RW: Are you open about your sexuality? Is there much homophobia in the trucking business?

KB: I'm open about it when it comes up. I occasionally get hassled on the CB. I don't give a shit what some guy in a "git 'er done" shirt thinks about who I'm fucking. I see what they're fucking too, and I wouldn't do these pigs with a stolen dick. Even if I was straight.

RW: Do you pick up hitchhikers, if so have you ever picked up any 'interesting' people? Any Scary Marys?

KB: I occasionally pick up a hitchhiker. If they look cool, clean (no scabies please), don't have dogs, then sure, why not?

I just picked up a guy on I-75 in Florida, and it turns out we went to the same middle school. I didn't know who the hell he was, but it turns out he was suspended by the same Dean that suspended me a few times.

I never picked up anyone that freaked me out, but I did pick up this guy in New Mexico one time. The guy was a fucking freak. He managed to insert ''the Lord" into just about every sentence. It got old real quick. By the time I got up to St. George, Utah for a drop, I was backing into a real difficult spot, and this asshole kept blocking my mirrors and I couldn't see. After telling him all day to quit blocking my mirrors, here I am at 3 AM tryin' to back into this hole, and numbnuts is over there twirling his hair in my mirror. I almost blew an artery. I chilled for a second, then pulled out and drove ten miles to the Flying J truckstop. I told him he had go. My brother Rob has a saying, "We should part ways before I part your skull." It seemed to fit.

One thing I check for is that they have bags. If they don't, then I won't pick them up. They might be trouble. Maybe killed someone and need a quick getaway.RW: How big is your rig?

KB: Hooked up to the trailer it's 72 feet long. About 19 feet unhooked.

RW: Does your rig have a name?

KB: Nah, not really. I sometimes call it my cage.

RW: What is the biggest rig you've handled?

KB: Kenworth W900L. Styling truck! A pleasure to drive, but it coulda used a little more room inside the sleeper berth. Lots of chrome, huge hood, great ride - a truckers truck! That hood is no fun in the city though - you can't see people walking in front of you at red lights.

RW: What's the weirdest load you've pulled?

KB: Frozen beef lungs, destined for a Purina dog food plant in Denver, Colorado.

RW: Do you usually have big loads?

KB: Sure do. Been looking for someone to help me with that.

RW: What do you have in the back of your rig? Bed... cooker... hot tub?

KB: I have a 15-inch flat-screen TV, microwave, fridge, laptop, a George Foreman Grill, two bunks, books, DVDs and CDs.

RW: Are you a regular on the CB?

KB: No, I occasionaly run into someone that's cool, and we take it to another channel to get away from the rednecks who are busy telling each other to "shut-up stupid". Most times, I just have it on low enough to hear where the cops are, and what's going on ahead of me - wrecks, construction, etc.

RW: Are there any gay CB terms or phrases we should know about?

KB: Gay guys are called "good buddies" on the radio. Not like on TV or the movies where drivers good naturedly refer to each other as "good buddy".

RW: Are there any secret signals, like hankie codes, for gay truckers on the road?

KB: You got me. I don't know if there are. Both times I got laid with another driver it was by eye contact and good conversation. Not really into deciphering codes.

RW: There is a gay truckers organization - are you involved with them? Have you been to one of their jamborees?

KB: I drank with one of the guys who runs the Gay Truckers Association one night in Nashville. Cool guy. I called a bar and asked for directions, he was there and he went out to his truck and gave me turn by turn directions to the bar. The organization seems like a front for a fuck buddy network.

RW: You often hear about hookers at truck stops, but are there also rent boys operating there too? Any good stories?

KB: Yeah, there are hookers all over the place. Some places are not as bad as others, but the lot lizards can be very aggressive. They beat on your sleeper at 4 AM like they are serving a warrant.

Aside from not being into nasty truckstop whores, I wouldn't trust them. They are usually crackheads and often set you up for a robbery or want to use your radio to line-up another trick. Who needs the hassle? I've never seen the male equivalent of a lot lizard out here. I don't think they'd do to good out here, and one of the hyper-masculine rednecks would probably hurt him.

RW: When you come back to the city how do you relax?

KB: Ahh, now your talking. I like to kick-back the first few days, catch a buzz, catch up on shit at the house. On the weekends I like to hit the city. I like Eastern Bloc, The Phoenix, maybe hit some Irish dive. Occasionally I might end up at the Eagle.

I have a friend/fuck buddy on Avenue A in the East Village. Sometimes we'll grab some food, hit the bars, and go back to his place.

RW: Crystal seems to be a prevalent drug in the truck business? Have you witnessed other truckers high on meth. How does it manifest itself?

KB: It's out there. I don't fuck around with dope of any kind anymore. On the CB radio it's called "high speed chicken feed" or "Lucille" It's not as prevalent as it used to be back in the day. You get popped on a dirty UA and you ain't getting a job driving an ice cream truck. Mostly owner operators and newbies that don't know how to run are the ones using it.

RW: What advice would you give to an aspiring gay trucker?

KB: RUUUUUNNNNNN! It's kinda of a shit-gig industry. Or at least it has been for me. The only way I would recommend getting involved with trucking is if you own your own truck. That said, people that want to drive a truck are mutants who don't listen to reason, so he'd just ignore me and climb in a truck anyways. That's what I did.

RW: What advice would you give to to someone who wants to pick up a trucker?

KB: Well boyfriends of truckers should be patient 'cause you ain't gonna see him much. People that want to pick up a trucker should be good looking, funny, and like to spring for steak dinners and good whiskey.

RW: Have you ever had sex in your rig?

KB: Yeah, I ran with my old boyfriend for a few years. He'd put out occasionally [laughs]. He used to like to blow me when I was driving. Worked for me. Talk about miles of smiles.

RW: What lube do you like to use?

KB: I like "Gun Oil". You can get a Cadillac in a dog house with that stuff!
All photography shot for EVB by Shelby Gates
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This week's East Village Boy of the Week is Yusef, from Philadelphia
Photographed exclusively for EVB by McKenzie Adkins