I’ve had a throbbing boner for Geo Wyeth ever since I first saw him play with his one-man-band, Novice Theory, at Sidewalk Café about three years ago. He’s a mesmerizing performer and if you don’t agree you’re just lying to get attention so knock it off. Watching him makes me feel like I’m on a pirate ship, and he’s the scrappy cabin boy singing stories to the weary crew to lift their spirits and give voice to their woes. Or something like that. He now has a new band called Jive Grave with a lot of other talented musicians. Their sound is really unique and if their music doesn’t give you a throbbing boner, I’d get your boner checked. Recently, I concealed mine long enough to have a conversation with him about his life and music.

Portraits of Geo photographed for EVB by Allison Michael Orenstein

Cole: Aside from being adorable, I also know that you grew up in Chelsea, and went to Yale School of Music. Would you say there is a greater ratio of assholes in New York City or at Yale? Or are they different kinds of assholes?

Geo: I actually didn't grow up in Chelsea nor did I go to Yale. These are all myths made up by the government. I love a good asshole.

Cole: You’re so mysterious and evasive and that only makes me want you more. Have you ever been in a fist fight? If so, who won?

Geo: I once tried to punch these preppy dudes at Yale who were harassing me about my fitted Yankees hat. There was a strange profiling situation at play and I freaked out and actually screamed (through tears) “YOU ARE THE REASON EVERYTHING IS BAD IN THE WORLD.” Fortunately, I was rescued by my six-foot tall friend Cassandra who dragged me kicking and screaming from the scene. I definitely lost (thank god!)

Cole: I bet you would’ve won if you stayed, but let’s put violence on pause for a second to talk about your music. What was the first song you ever wrote and can you tell me some of the lyrics (the more embarrassing they are, the better)?

Geo: "Snowpea surfing through the sun, I wondered if you were the one." I hadn't done any acid yet but I knew what was coming!

Cole: Was 'Snowpea' a particular person? If not, can I please tell people that Snowpea is me?

Geo: I think the lyric was describing a style of surfing ("Snowpea Surfing"). But you can be Snowpea that's fine with me.

Cole: That’s all I want. Your newly formed band, Jive Grave, seems to be the sum of its equally amazing parts. Can you tell me a bit about some of your favorite instruments the band uses and who plays them?

Geo: I really like the use of the horns in the band. There currently is a trumpet player named Mike Irwin and a tenor sax player named Kar-el Van Beekom, but the horns have rotated a bunch since the band started. It would be unfair of me not to mention the amazing Tina Richerson (baritone sax) and Timothy Johnson (flute) who played with us for a long time and gave a lot of time and energy to the project. I am very interested in sonic texture and laying out a composite bed of sound that creates a mood or depth of field. The horns contribute a lot to this texture. We also have two drummers. I appreciate moments of chaos in music, and with so many instruments being layered on one another in one large breathing mass, one can't help but have a little malfunctioning. I am very thankful for those moments of engineered malfunction, or moments when you hear the musicians "trying." Musicians with chops, listening and tripping over each other.

Cole: Well it sounds amazing, like some sort of queer parade. I wanna know what you listen to, though. What are the top five most played songs on your iTunes?

Geo: Right now it's Arthur Russell, "Goodbye Old Paint"; Charles Mingus, "Goodbye Porkpie Hat"; Maps & Atlases, "Everyplace Is A House"; Ava Luna "Cement Lunch"; Dolly Parton "Why'd You Come In Here Looking Like That".
Cole: If you could do a duet with a dead female musician, who would it be and what would you sing?

Geo: I would love to sing a duet with either Mia Zapata of the Gits or Peggy Lee. I want to sing the entire musical of West Side Story a capella as a male/female duet with masks and knife fights.

Cole: That’s pretty faggy/cute. Who is someone that would make you really nervous and excited if you saw them in the audience of one of your shows?

Geo: If I saw my cousin Sheri I would be nervous. She and I haven't talked in a little while.

Cole: If you had to cast a Hollywood actor or actress to play your cousin Sheri in the movie of your life, who would it be? And who would play you?

Geo: I think Alicia Keys could play my cousin pretty well if she was acting. Who would play me? Probably Elijah Wood, he's got a tranny vibe to him. Or maybe Morgan Freeman, that man can do anything!

Cole: I'm really into the idea of an Elijah Wood-Alicia Keys collaboration. Good answer. Now I’m gonna get all Barbara Walters. When was the last time you cried and why?

Geo: I cried today when I participated in the Die-In in Grand Central Terminal in support of LGBT Civil Rights. I was all ready to not feel a thing and then this whistle started blowing and cops started yelling through a megaphone and I died on the ground and then I just cried, it was intense.

Cole: That is intense, but thanks for fighting the good fight. Let’s play a game now: Marry, Fuck, Kill: Condoleeza Rice, Johnny Weir, Yoko Ono

Geo: That's hard. I think all of these things could potentially be the same thing. Marry: Yoko Ono, cause I would never have to leave my house again to feel tortured by performance art. Fuck: Condy cause she needs to be nailed to the wall. Kill: Johnny Weir? I could never kill Johnny Weir. I don't want to kill anyone.
Cole: Well then you lose the game. Sorry! Moving on, when was the drunkest you've ever been?

Geo: My friend Keltie has a Bi Bim Bop birthday party every year where we do Karaoke in Korea Town and get Korean barbeque. It's amazing, but they serve this drink called Soju that is basically grain alcohol (I think it's literally used to clean the bar at night). Whatever, that is definitely the LAST time I got so drunk I couldn't remember how drunk I got and I glazed over watching this very impressive girl sing Christian rock. The time before that was New Years Eve at the Grace Hotel, I ended the evening by taking off all my clothes, throwing down my accordion, and jumping in the hotel pool. Then I sliced my toe on a sliding shower door and limped bleeding to the train, but not before spitting in a cop's face who was pushing around this ag butch dyke in the street - she took the train home with me and promised me courtside seats at a Knicks game (she works at Madison Square Garden).

Cole: If you wrote a song about that dykey woman, what would it be called?

Geo: 'April Chasing Chalklines, Damn This Cop Damn'. Something like that?

Jive Grave performance and album release party, at House of Yes, 342 Maujer St, Brooklyn
Thursday, October 28, 8pm. $7 before 11, $10 after.
Special thanks to Allison Michael Orenstein for TCB.