With the smell of the longdrops hanging heavy in the Somerset air the crew of the NYC Downlow awoke on the first day of the Glastonbury festival with hangovers from the night before. Although this year the Downlow didn’t open on the Thursday. This year the night was spent in the backstage area of Trash City. The trannies, not wanting to miss out on a look, got in the dressing room which, although a definite improvement on last years facilities, was still a shipping container, and to the stewards given the task of watching over security it must have looked like a bunch of migrant tranny workers had been trafficked from Mars in order to obtain a better class of lipgloss in the UK.

So with wigs backcombed and glitter applied we headed to the backstage area for a few cocktails. No sooner were myself and Filthy Luka (Rocking a fierce banjee look by the way) got to the bar, a head with more piercings than pinhead himself poked through the hatch and shouted “what the fuck are you doing here”. My initial thoughts were why those who choose to live an alternative lifestyle are the first to put down others who live an alternative lifestyle. After reading him he soon left us alone and we were able to continue with what was the highlight of the evening. Dance off to breakbeats. Not the natural music to dance to from the transgender community but the bitches turned it out and soon had the crusties rushing for their curlers and leggings.

Then, as is customary at the Glastonbury festival, the heavens opened and the site turned to mud. We headed back to the campsite to the sound of rain on canvas and the screams of some guy who had either taken too much K, or who had ignored the advice not to take the brown acid, and took it upon himself to slash his throat with a broken bottle. Thankfully he was saved by the ever wonderful Avon and Somerset constabulary who took him to the cider tent and played the Wurzles which managed to bring him round.

On a more positive note, the NYC Downlow was looking amazing this year. It has grown to include a crack hotel and a basketball court with a huge vintage advertising hauling from Max Factor that simply read: “Max Factor. Do You Like Being A Woman?” Amazing. Friday also saw Horse Meat Disco DJs rocking the Guardian lounge somewhere through the mud near the Pyramid field. All those middle class reading festival goers who think it more appropriate to do sudoku instead of taking uppers are always shocked by a gaggle of trannies (what is the collective noun for trannies, I wonder) turning up for an improvised round of the double dutch and turning the gentile surroundings of the organic granary lounge into some kind of Harlem ballroom.

We turned up, drank enough gin and tonics to sink the jazz stage and left in a flurry of mud, sweat and tears. I’m sure we’ll be back next year! Those middle class Guardian readers love the edgyness of a bunch of homos… as long as they don’t come on their granola bar!

Horse Meat Disco at Glastonbury, 2009  [download]

Time Warp - Eddie Grant / White Horse - Laid Back / Fire To Desire - Cyclades / Earth Can Be Like Heaven - Two Tons Of Fun / Hungry For Your Love - Alisabeth Jergens / It’s Alright - Gino Soccio / You Should Be Dancing - Disco Circus / Shark Bite - Richard Hewson Orchestra

Horse Meat Disco will be releasing their double-CD on August 10,
mixed and compiled by Jim Stanton, James Hillard, Severino and Luke Howard,
with a launch party on Sunday August 9 at The Eagle in Vauxhall (London).
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